I’ve got an oscillating fan at my house. The fan goes back and forth. It looks like the fan is saying “No”. So I like to ask it questions that a fan would say “no” to. “Do you keep my hair in place?… Do you keep my documents in order?… Do you have three settings? Liar! My fan fucking lied to me. Now I will pull the pin up. Now you ain’t sayin’ shit.
Mitch Hedberg (via somethingintellectual)
Inappropriate Times To Respond To A Question With ''Fuck It.''
“Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?”
“Detective, I discovered her in an alleyway. She’s been shot thirteen times. What do you want me to do with the body?”
“Now what did my roommate do with that box of razor blades I bought…?”
“Doctor, only one donor heart has arrived, but we have two patients! What do we do?!”
“Welcome to Splinters R’ Us. What can I do for you today?”
“You’ve been charged with felony sex with a lamppost, what is your plea?”
Inappropriate.
- On My TV: *Man stands on ledge of really tall building in Flash Forward, about to jump off.*
- Mom: (In next room, watching Survivor) Yes, yes!
- On My TV: *Man jumps, drops twenty stories, splats.*
- Mom: WOOHOO!
What The Hell?-Fact Of The Day
In 1953, Russian scientists showed that triboluminescence caused by peeling a roll of Scotch Tape in a vacuum can produce X-rays. In 2008, American scientists performed an experiment that showed the rays can be strong enough to leave an X-ray image of a finger on photographic paper.
-http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scotch_tape
Like other atheists, I can see some of the rookie mistakes in the “world building” God has done, by which I mean Jehovah, with his cryptozoological fascinations, underutilized themes, flat protagonists, and the prevalence of barbarism - but my own work is rife with genuine concerns. If anything, I’ve managed to create a scenario where leprosy actually sounds pretty good.
It’s like cam sex for the morbidly obese or something. Oh god look at her masticate that ice cream MMFH *jizz* Crap, I’m too fat to reach my penis and clean that up
Ben Fleming
